All Hope Begins With Despair
by belovedkoneko
Summary: Zexion Nomura is a isolated, loveless young guy who wanted to end his life. That is...until he met Demyx. Demyx who has been ignore by Zexion finds opportunity when he finds Zexion's diary. Warning will contain yaoi eventually.
1. Zexion Fails

The Start of All Hope

All Hope Begins With Despair.

Chapter 1

Zexion Fails

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters if I did it would be much more ..._interesting._

This is the first fan fic that I have ever posted, even though it wasn't _supposed_ to be. This was bothering me and was easy to write. I listened to The End of All Hope by Nightwish when writing it. ( This - means singing tone.)

* * *

Zexion Nomura, a periwinkle-haired thin young man in his third year of high school, dressed in dark clothing with long sleeves that hide the scars and his hair that always covers his left eye, was walking, contemplating his own life like he normally did everyday on his way home. Today was different from the rest; he had finally figured out what he was going to do with his life. A lot of things lead up to the decision that he was going to follow through with today. The list of reasons ran though his head over and over again: His lack of friends, the persistent abuse from Xigbar, his father, that started after his mom's death, and having to endure being constantly teased for being different, gay, and aloof. Today he would follow in his mother's footsteps on the anniversary of her death. It was all perfectly planned out. He went to school like a normal day, said good-bye to each of his teachers after every class and cleaned out everything in his locker. He was caring all the books that had been previously put all nice and neatly in his locker over the school year. Then something happened, something that was not part of the plan. What happened exactly was almost a complete blur to him. He had tripped and all his books had fallen on to the nearly deserted sidewalk. Knowing no one else was going to help him, he started picking up the books. Then, he felt someone's hand as he went to pick up one of the books. He looked up to see a spiky blonde haired man with a huge smile on his face.

"Hello. You looked like you could use some help. I'm Demyx by the way." the blue-eyed man said while still helping pick up the books.

"Th…thanks." Zexion mange to say before he noticed he had also dropped his "last" note that he had ripped from his diary last night. He scurried and picked it up before Demyx did. He put it in his pocket before going back to picking up the books. He didn't want to involve anyone else in his problems.

"That paper must be important to you." Demyx said as he continued to pick up the books, starting to wonder why the guy was carrying so many in the first place.

"It is. It is part of my homework assignment." Zexion lied as he picked up the last book.

"Let me help you carry them home." Demyx asked. He didn't want the guy to trip again and have to pick up all the books again.

" Why? You don't even know my name." Zexion said trying to push him away.

"Yes. I do. You're Zexion. Aren't you? We have four classes together." Demyx stated in a matter of fact voice as he grabbed half of the pile of books.

"I am. I …guess you can help me carry them to my house. It is pretty far down that way." Zexion said pointing down the street. He had given up on changing Demyx's mind. He maybe persuasive but the cute kid was more persistent.

"Yay! I get to help Zexy I get to help Zexy Carry books" Demyx sings as Zexion looks at him questionably in annoyance.

"Stop singing…and do not call me Zexy." Zexion said slightly annoyed. He gets close to his house, stops, and notices his dad's car is already there. He is late too late to follow through with his plan, and he never gets home late because it only makes things worse for him in the end.

"So which one is it?' Demyx asked while looking around at all the houses.

"The one with a black Mercedes in front. You can't come in." Zexion said, predicting Demyx's next question.

"Okay, Zexy. I'll see you on Monday." Demyx said as he handed Zexion the rest of his books.

"Goodbye." Zexion said, ignoring the name for now, knowing that what was waiting for him beyond his door would not be pleasant, if he lived through tonight.

"Bye." Demyx said as he left. He headed to his home.

"It was nice meeting you." Zexion whispered as if it were the last thing he was going to say. He opened the door, walked in and put his books in his room before his father cornered him.

"Where were you?! I taught you better to be late getting home, especially today of all days!" His father yelled at him with an evil gleam in his eye. Zexion flinched at the words even though he was fully expecting them. His father hit him.

"I was visiting her grave." Zexion lied not knowing if his lie would make things better or worse at this point. Unfortunately for him, it was the latter of the two. His father went mad hitting him.

Zexion awoke on the dining room's hard wood floor. He had been unconscious for a couple of hours. He cleaned off the blood with a wet washcloth, walked in to his room and looked at the clock; it was around ten. He opened the window and sneaked out of the house. When he reached his mother's grave, he knelt down like he had several times before when ever he was lonely or sad.

"I'm sorry that he hasn't changed. Good night, mother." He said as he placed a white lily on her grave.

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The next chapter will be up in a week or two, hopefully. Please review or the zombies will eat you.


	2. Adventure of the lost moogle

All Hope Begins With Despair

Chapter 2

Adventure of the lost moogle

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters and it makes me sad...

I am sorry for not updating forever. I could make up some very good excuses and only some of them would be true but I'd rather not but I will post the next chapter quicker than I did this one.

Akilina- chan:I have called off the zombies and updated.

Endles: Yay! I'm so glad you reviewed. Yay!

The Twisted Frog Prince: The semx comes in the later chapters.

Yuffie Kisaragi Uchiha: I'll no longer threaten you with zombies.

6cloakedschemer: I haven't gotten you one yet but I'll think about it as an idea for later chapters maybe as a present ...

I Haven't Existed For A While: I'm glad you like it.

Thanks to all reviewers and ...if you find any flaws please tell me.

Special thanks to Wildfire Sniper for being the first one to notice a problem with this chapter and being the first to review to this chapter.

* * *

Demyx was happily walking home when he stopped at where he ran in to Zexy just a few minutes ago. Lying on the floor beside his feet was a worn journal. He picked up the leather-covered book.

"It must be Zexy's." he thought as he placed it gently in his backpack and continued on his way home.

* * *

Zexion awoke in the morning to his alarm clock going off at 6:30 am. He got out of bed and got dressed in his usual clothes ate breakfast alone. For over the last day he had searching everywhere for his diary going over every possible place it could be outside the school. Luckily Xigbar is going to be working late this entire week and Zexion had not seen him since he had been unconscious. He had protected that diary with his life from his father. It was a birthday from his mother. It was the only nice thing he had left that his father had not managed to destroy. He was use to having it with him always and writing in it whenever he could.

* * *

Demyx sat on his bed with the journal in his hand. It was very tempting him to open it and see what was inside. He put it down on his glow in the dark star covered blue nightstand.

"I'll give it to Zexy on tomorrow." he said to himself. He picked it back up.

"But what if it is not his….. I should read a bit and find out!" He flipped to the first page where is says " Property of Zexion. Don't read this, please, or else I'll do something to make you regret reading it." He put it back down.

"It was just a suggestion ….I should read a bit more to learn more about him" he said innocently. He flipped to the first entry, which also had today's date. He was surprised to find the page with very neat handwriting sainted with what he really hoped was red Kool-Aid.

"October 6, XXXX

Dear Myself,

I never intended to ever write in this diary at all but it seems I have nothing else to do to keep myself sane. This diary was a gift from my mother for my thirteenth birthday. I hid it from my father under a loose floorboard for two and half years before ever touching it again.

I have had a bad day. Normally a bad day is when I come home to my parents fighting. Today it was all to quite like the time I told my father I was gay. I prefer yelling to that quietness that foreshadows pain and scars. My father has some angry issues.

My mother tried to hide it from me when I was little. After awhile She couldn't keep him from hurting me as well especially after I told him. My mother always thought he would change. Today she decided he was not going to. Today was their anniversary. When I got home, they where sitting at the dinning table having what would seem to anyone else as a normal sight. My mother called me to the dining room she said she had some thing to tell us. I sat down at the table across from her. She had a smile on her face and a small white lily in her hair.

-Dried tear drops-

"I am sorry, Goodbye." She said before she slit her own throat in front of us. I ran to my room and locked it be hide me. My dad was in shock that is not a good thing. The police came and I did not speak to them. They thought I was too much shock to speak but the truth of the matter is that I did not want to say anything that could upset my father any more then he already was. I hid in my room and found my diary and wrote in it to keep myself calm.

-Zexion."

Demyx closed the journal as he was crying. Why did this have to happen to Zexy? Zexy the person I have admired since I first saw him. He now knew that Zexion was in fact gay, which he had been wondering about since the beginning of the school year. He wish he could hold the crying boy who wrote it but that boy was long gone and now is just a memory. He put the journal back on his night stand with the intention of giving it back to Zexion tomorrow.

* * *

Zexion had given up all hope of finding his diary by the end of Monday. He had searched every classroom he had ever gone to every place he every went and came up with only a pen he'd lost a month ago and a moogle plushy he had lost in third grade. Needless to say he was becoming desperate. It never crossed his mind that Demyx could have it.

"Years protecting it and it is gone just like her." Zexion sighed.

* * *

Demyx on the other hand spent most of the day chasing Zexion in between classes with said journal in hand. He couldn't keep up with the distressed man. He gave up by the end of the day and returned home to find his brothers fighting over what dinner should be.

"Demyx hates fish sticks that's why I should make grilled chicken. It is healthier, too." Roxas said.

"I know but grilled chicken and mac and cheese don't go together." Sora said. This was a usually argument between his older twin bothers. They had taken care of he since their parents had died in a car crash. They both also happened to be teachers at his school.

"Sora, don't you have a date with Riku today?" Demyx asked instantly stopping the argument. Sora blushed.

"Yes, I can't believe forgot."Sora said as he began to quickly get ready leaving the two other brothers alone.

"So, I guess it is just me and you again." Roxas sighed. This was becoming almost a daily accordance.

"If you want more company, I could invite Axel over." Demyx suggested. The thought alone made Roxas body twitch. Demyx had no idea of his and Axel's current relationship and he planned on keeping it that way.

"I would prefer that you didn't. I need to grade papers late which I couldn't do if one of my students is here." Roxas replied.

"Alright. I'll just stay in my room till dinner's ready." Demyx stated as he made his way to his room.

"I'll call you when it is ready." Roxas said as he started the long and tedious job of cooking a nutritious meal.

Demyx quickly finished his homework and went back to his favorite task in life thinking about Zexion. He wonder why he was frantically run around in search of something then it hit him it was his fault because he still had his journal. He was stuck between two options reading more of Zexy's journal or giving it back.

"Hmm, would it really hurt to read one more entry?"Demyx contemplated.

* * *

Will Zexion ever get his diary back? Will Demyx read more of Zexion's diary? find out it in the next chapter ... if i ever get to update this story again. Review so I'll update quicker. Please.


	3. ABC of Grown Up

All Hope Begins With Despair

Chapter 3

ABC of growing up

I wrote this chapter twice. In original version Demyx reads Zexy's diary. In the other he doesn't. If for some odd reason you want to read the original version pm me and I'll send you it.

Endles:It is defintely a Sora sorta thing.

xTruex: Yay! A new reviewer. You get a cookie.*hand you a cookie*

Icarenot:I really don't know but I wanna say because it is fun but thats not true.

XX Anon: Thanks. You inspired me to rewrite this chapter which was really fun. I also intended for this one be an average high school and Sora and Roxas are older then Demyx.

Wildfire Sniper: Thanks again.

* * *

By the time Roxas called him for dinner, Demyx had already made his decision.

"Demyx, you've seemed a little distracted lately." Roxas commented over dinner.

"I found the person I likes journal and decided to read a part of it."

"That is an invasion of privacy, you should know better!"

"I didn't know if it was the person's until I read the first page but then I couldn't stop myself from reading the first entry."

"Have you read the rest?"

"No."

"Don't!"

"I want to because I want to know the side of him that no one else knows but at the same time I want him to get to know him myself."

"HIM? You like a guy? I knew Sora's relationship with Riku would be a influence on you."Roxas had a look of guilty in his eyes after saying that. He looked away from Demyx

"Yes. I like a guy and it had nothing to do with you twos influence over me."Demyx replied as he went and sulked in his room. He attempted to read the rest of Zexion's journal in his locked room but he couldn't get his older brother's voice out of his head. He knew Roxas was right. It was an evasion of privacy. He didn't want to read Zexion's life. He wanted to be a part of it. Everything this journal contained he would rather hear it from Zexy himself. Demyx spent the rest of the night contemplating what he could do to capture Zexion's attention then it hit him and he began writing.

* * *

Zexion was surprised to find his diary laying on top of his homeroom class' desk. He flip through the pages. It was all still there. A note fell out on to his desk as he turned the last page with writing on it. He picked it up and read the following:

"Dear Zexion,

I found this journal. I'm sorry to say that I ignored the warning at the beginning it and read the first page. I'm sorry that I have done so because it was an evasion of your privacy. I don't regret reading it because I got to understand you a bit better but I'd rather get to know you in person then to read about your life. We have barely talk but I have always liked you and wanted to get to know you. If you want to write back leave a note on your desk after your last class I'll pick it up after you leave.

-Your secret admirer"

Zexion stared at the note in disbelief. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Someone had just admitted to liking him. This person actually wanted to get to know him. Zexion admired the fact that this person cared enough about his privacy that he or she did not read all of his journal. " I don't even know if it is this person is a girl or a guy. What should I do? " he thought. He debated whether or not to write back during most of his class.

* * *

Demyx waited after class like he said he would. He was surprised to find that Zexion had actually written back.

"Dear admirer,

Thank you for returning my diary in one piece. I do not understand why you like me. I do not have anything interesting qualities. You didn't specify whether or you are a girl or not but then again most girls at this school would not sign anonymously because they have no real reason to. I am going to assume you are a guy and if you aren't I'm sorry I don't want to lead you on. I am gay and with that in mind I would like to get to know you too.

-Zexion"

"I didn't expect him too actually write back." Demyx said out loud to himself.

"Expect who to write back?" Sora asked him startling Demyx.

"Whoa! I didn't know that you where there."

"Is that from Zexion?" Sora asked glancing over Demyx's shoulder at the note which Demyx then hid.

"Maybe."

"I knew it. You know. I already talked to Roxas. He was upset because it seemed so sudden but you've liked him for a while, right?"

"How do you know?"

"You asked me what classes he was taking and even signed up for them. Do you really believe that I would think that you would have signed up for psychology of your own accord?"

"It was that obvious?"

"Only to me but Roxas will come around though he has keep his fair share of secrets from the both of us."

"Like what?"

"I don't know but some thing is up with him. He seems more distracted this school year."

"You think I should talk to him?"

"Ya" Sora said cheerfully.

"I will."Demyx decided as he headed

Zexion took out a pen and started writing.

"October 9, XXXX

Dear Myself,

A lot has happened and changed over the last few days. First of all, I fell and dropped all my books then a kid helped me pick them up. What was his name ...Semxy...no it started with a D... Dem...yx. I arrived home later then I wanted my father was already home so my attempt to join my mom failed. I also lost my diary which I looked everywhere for and ended up finding my moogle plushy instead. Today I got it back. The person who found it wrote me a note which I have taped to this page. I wrote back to whoever wrote it. Why? I have no idea. Now I am regretting it because I do not now if he or she will write back. I think a guy wrote it but I'm still not sure so I'll use the pronoun 'he' to refer to the writer of the note. He told me he liked me but I do not know why. He intrigues me so much because he could of easily read this entire diary but he did not. He said that he would rather get to know me. Does that mean he wants to date me? If it does should I? I don't even know if I even know him.

- Zexion"

Will Demyx ever figure out his brother's secret? Will Zexion ever figure out who his secret admirer is?

It might take me awhile to post the next chapter because it is suppose to tie into a story I haven't posted yet. Please review because it makes me happy.


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